PAIRING ELIGIBILITY

Blitzcrank looked up over the counter for the next client. There was only two there, unusual for this time of the morning. However, this kind of information was of limited use for determining whether he’d get an oiling break as fleshlings vary in their ability to answer his questions for some incalculable reason. Including, ‘Why have you decided to find a mate?’ At this moment came a commotion from outside, Blitzcrank was just about to quell the source of disturbance when the vast, ornately engraved front doors were smashed down and in emerged an enormous, blue being that somehow seemed to capture the very embodiment of the stars’ glory. It glided effortlessly up to the counter taking no notice of the shocked faces of the others in the hall and spoke with a slow, deep voice that would echo even without the amplification of the vast emptiness of the hall designed for customers such as these, “Cower, worship, beg they’re all valid reactions.” From behind the desk Blitzcrank, completely unfazed that a massive blue dragon just burst through the front doors, boomed, “WELCOME TO THE PERV (Pairing Eligibility Reactors of Valoran) PLEASE WAIT IN LINE FOR YOUR TURN TO BE SERVED.” But as he said that, a quick glance showed that for some reason the ‘line’ seemed to be sprinting out the newly created hole in the wall. Blitzcrank turned back to the amused, smug sort of smile of the creature and inquired, “NAME?” “They call me Aurelion Sol.” “WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE HERE?” “To find a partner. This place has been proclaimed to be 96.55% accurate for finding a match. It’s become lonely out there.” “PLEASE COMPLETE THIS SHORT 748 QUESTION FORM TO PROVIDE INFORMATION ABOUT YOURSELF NOW.” Aurelion Sol examined the ‘form’ which would have been much better described as a book. He then read the first questions, ‘What is your name, species and gender?’ With a slight chuckle, he wrote- Aurelion Sol, Celestial Dragon, male. Then onto the next, ‘What is your occupation?’ Star Forger/ Cosmic Overlord. The questionnaire went on and on with questions like ‘How would you describe yourself?’ Oh, well where to begin… he thought, before writing- Powerful, intellectually prodigious, extravagant, immortal, dazzling, elegant form and well, really just omnipotent would almost be able to describe me. ‘Do you have any hobbies?’ Well when I’m forging planets that I want to have rings I make the rings first and put them in place. Next I create the planet, then I fly away a fair distance and practice my planetary basketball. I’m getting quite good at it now, most of the time it lands in the rings. It would be amazing to be able to play a proper game with the other celestials some time. Eventually the monumental form was completed. As it was returned to Blitzcrank he immediately flicked through the pages taking in all the information. “YOUR RESULTS WILL BE ANAYLSED AND THEN BY THE USE OF THE BLITZERNET A SUITABLE MATE WILL BE FOUND AND PRESENTED TO YOU, FLESHLING.” Aurelion Sol, looked down at the robot and pondered whether to obliterate him on the spot for such insufferable insolence. However, he needed this robot for finding his potential partner... “How long will it take?” he said failing to keep the impatience out of his voice, even though doing such would have been entirely pointless as, of course, it went unnoticed by Blitzcrank, who said in return, “BETWEEN 3.556 SECONDS AND 14 YEARS. YOU WILL BE NOTIFIED ONCE THEY HAVE BEEN FOUND.” With that, the great dragon turned and glided elegantly back out the gap while Blitzcrank uploaded his information to the system. Barely a second had passed since he had left when a figure slunk in and swaggered straight up to the desk. Striking a pose and lifting her eyebrow Nidalee said slyly, “It’s mating season.” before nodding her head in the direction Aurelion Sol had just left. Unsurprisingly her playfulness went unnoticed by Blitzcrank as he said, “IT IS ALWAYS MATING SEASON FOR FLESHLINGS.” “Ugh you’re no fun.” came the reply, “So, was he signing up? I need to know.” “I KEEP MY CLIENTS CONFIDENTIALITY.” At this, Nidalee artistically slid over the top of the desk stroking Blitzcrank’s face as she went and started looking through the files on Blitzcrank’s computer. “I MUST OBJECT TO THIS UNETHICAL BEHAVIOUR.” “Oh come onnnn…. it’s just a bit of fun.” she said, while energetically searching all the necessary files. “YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO COMPLY OR YOU WILL BE FORCIBLY REMOVED FROM THE CENTRE.” Typing and clicking furiously she continued until, just before the time was up, she stopped, and stood up saying sassily “See, I’m done, you don’t need to be so angry.” She then slid back over the counter and walked back out of the hall. At this moment a message popped up on Blitzcrank’s screen. It said, ‘A match has been found for client- Aurelion Sol’ Blitzcrank opened the file, inspected it, then messaged his Compatibility Squad, “INFORM THE FLESHLINGS OF THE MATCH AND THE MEETING PLACE.” That night, Aurelion Sol was gliding through the sky, nervous for once in his life. Was he about to find the one? The one that he could live with and share the wonders of his immortal life? He approached the designated location when he looked down and saw a peculiarly cat-like woman who winked at him slyly and waved as he flew over with a grin on her face. But there was no time to ponder such a weird occurrence, the time had nearly come. He finally reached a clearing in the forest with a lake there. The stars shone brightly in the background coupled with the glistening radiance of the moon to complete the most amazing scene that he had come to experience on this planet. On the ground he saw a figure. One much smaller than he was. Was it supposed to be the one? His heart swelling up in nervous anticipation he flew down until he saw it properly eye to eye. It was smaller than most mortals, and furry. Then it started giggling in a high pitched and very aggravating tone and said, “Hi, I’m Teemo.”
Share
Report as:
Offensive Spam Harassment Incorrect Board
Cancel