_“Chef Akali.. I understand that you’re not at fault but you still committed a criminal offence - I wouldn’t even call it minor in this case either. Are you able to please explain today’s events?”_
It’s not like I had a reason to be annoyed at Caitlyn, only four reasons. The remaining seven were for three others. Pulling a smile and recollecting what happened about two or three hours ago? I didn’t pay attention to the time. No time when you’re slaving away for bottomless appetites prepared to feast at the start of the Lunar year.
_“Sure thing, **Commanding Officer Caitlyn**… it seemed like a normal shift but-”_
**<Two or Three hours ago>**
_“Hey Akali, you and your girls got plans for the night? Should come to Ez’s party!”_
That was the plan for tonight: The Midnight Fireworks. Just wanted to enjoy the night sky being lit up with colours of a dream: red, gold and green. But whenever Ez has a party - it’s crowded and pumping with good fun, he’s always keeping it real.
_“Maybe if they’re up for it, Kai-”_
Before I could even finish my response to the Barbecue Queen, the kitchen door slammed open with a high pitched squeal. Everyone focused to see this year’s Lunar animal was running around our kitchen, alive… A few kitchen staff abandoned their stations to try and capture the pig causing chaos. Which made the employees look like fools, tackling the ground in vain. I stood there with a smile and placed the finishing touches for a Sashimi platter.
_“Is that a piggy?”_
_“Noooo Olaf, that’s a dog”_
_“Shut it Leona, before I butcher you for the dogs”_
_“Hah! I could probably grill Table 4’s fish with that temper of yours!”_
_“Oooh do they want their taste buds sent to the Heavens?”_
Olaf laughed loudly at his joke till the bundle of pink joy leapt onto his bench top. They locked eyes and the Butcher moved for his tenderizer slowly. Meat hammer clenched, it went up and down with haste but just missed it’s frightened target. This enticed Olaf to chase the poor pig but he added to the mess. After a few failed attempts to corner the pig, he threw the tenderizer in front of the animal’s path and launched his own body after it.
_“YOUR MINE, PIGGY!”_
The moment he landed onto the piglet, I thought he killed it. The weight of the man wasn’t light, especially intoxicated but high-pitched squeals reassured that it survived.
_“Settle down girl, easy… eaaassy, I won’t hurt you…”_
_“You tried to hammer it…”_
I commented which earned a few chuckles from the staff.
_“I didn’t see you move to help her!”_
_“Her? How do you know it’s a girl?”_
_“Ummm the obvious? Plus I was taught by the local pig breeders and if you look ov-”_
I was shocked, he was giving a lessons about Pigs. The main thing I cared about Pigs, is that I love pork. I gave Leona a look that said _“What’s going on?”_, her response was a shrug but we were impressed by this useless information.
_“Well the piglet must be owned by someone in the restaurant or at least around here.”_
Pantheon advised while waiting for his bamboo stacks to steam. He placed a cabbage quarter on the ground for the pig. The butcher fed the piglet till a coughing noise was made near the kitchen’s entrance. I turned to meet eyes with a woman that only brought destruction and ‘fun’, forgot what made-up term she called it _‘Fun-truction? Des-functional?’_
_“The owner of the piggy would be me, Jinx! I wondered where the rascal ran off too!”_
_“How can we, be sure that you own the pig?”_
Pantheon knew like us, she was unpredictable and normally you’d find out when it was too late.
_“Well how exactly do I prove that it is my pig? It’s not like I have it’s birth certificate because I mean look at me, I’m definitely not the mother. Actually… if Cat people call cats their kids and label themselves as Cat-Mama does that make me a Pig-Mama? Then I guess I would be it’s mother….”_
Unable to respond with whatever that explanation was I was cut off by a large disturbing wood cracking sound. Screams echoed into The Golden Tongue’s kitchen causing everyone to react fast and rush out. The main chefs excluding Olaf and I had already left. The man managed to stand while holding the animal and shoved it into the hands of the questionable woman.
_“Protect the pig and don’t you dare move...”_
_“H-Heh, don’t w-worry. I’ll protect my bacon”_
Equipped with my champion gear, we re-grouped with our comrades and couldn’t believe our eyes. Firstly the restaurant was cleared of customers meaning someone had to explain tonight’s profits to the Coin Emperor, along with the two new holes in the wall! One caused by a strong woman that enforced authority with her beast sized gauntlets, they shined like her smirk. The other filled with a golden armoured boar, it’s snout poked high in the air. It’s fearless rider jumped down, armed with her flail. Her cold stare pierced them all as she searched the grounds.
_“Where is she?”_
Vi simply questioned.
_“Don’t play coy, Chef Leona. She will be Bristle’s treat”_
None knew who they were talking about but a previous encounter with someone made us all think.
_“Where is Jinx!?”_
She stepped out of the kitchen with her hands up.
_“Where is Bristle’s piglet? If you had dared to harm the babe then I will deliver you to death’s door”_
The flail cracked, it’s golden weight crushed the floor below.
_“HA! Like I’d hurt a defenseless piggy, I’m taking care of it since YOU left it alone!”_
_**“YOU STOLE THE PIGLET WHEN BRISTLE AND HER YOUNG WERE BATHING!** The piglet had journeyed out of sight because she is an adventurous one!”_
_“It’s **NOT** stealing! You’re just a bad caretaker!”_
_“Jinx, you either return the Piglet which is the easy way or we can do this **your way**”_
Vi interrupted the two.
_“Isn’t there only my way!?”_
The moment she prompted the question, her dragon rocket launcher appeared from behind and issued a rocket. With a wide smile, Vi grabbed the nearest table, lifted and threw it at the rocket which… Surprise, was actually high-powered fireworks, the impact causing it to explode into smoke with coloured sparks all around the Coin Emperor’s Golden Tongue.
Sejuani whipped the flail at furniture to launch but Jinx rolled out of the way just in time. Weapon Switcharoo, bullets started raining at Vi whom slammed her gauntlets together to protect herself from the bullet rain. The rider used this opportunity to rush the sides and flail the woman but Jinx switched back to fire a rocket.
The flail’s rounded metal head met with the rocket and sent their bodies flying among the coloured bursts. Sejuani towards the kitchen with Olaf and Pantheon turning into a cushion. Jinx’s body went through a window which motioned Vi to force a new door entrance and ran towards her sister to deliver a finishing blow.
My body rushed to the window, fingers released pellets to the opening and upon impacting the wall or ground - a black mist released. I jumped through, my smile widened as i released five kunais that into the shroud. Acting quick, I swiftly launched towards where I believed Vi was and used the handle end to strike visible pressure points. A few painful grunts gave me an indication that I struck where I wanted but my ears picked up the sound of Jinx locking her weapon in place. Rolling out of the shroud, I saw the problematic vixen ready, she aimed and fired a rocket.
The impact coloured the shroud and Vi’s body flew a great distance. Jinx tried to make a run for it, instinctively I flipped backwards and sent a shuriken to mark her. Successful hit noted by her _‘ouch’_. Eyes locked onto the target, I leaped to her direction to tackle. She struggled but I swiftly pinned her dress down with my tools.
_“I think I might make Pow Pow Jinx chicken and see what Tahm Kench thinks of it…”_
_“I might taste great? I’d prefer to not be a meal though…”_
_“So Sejuani and Officer Vi smashed through the restaurant, they engaged combat with Jinx inside. Jinx sent Sejuani and Vi flying with rockets. And you want to turn Jinx into a dish?”_
Nod. Caitlyn’s head shook side to side while handing over a letter.
_“What is this?”_
_“That is your ninety three day suspension for Community Service, Akali”_
_**“But Officer Vi destroyed the restaurant!”**_
_“**And you attacked an Officer on neutral grounds**, remember as I’m here there is still a law to uphold. Don’t think she’s safe either, she’ll be punished too.”_
Biting my tongue, I went over the steps for Pow Pow Jinx Chicken recipe.