Dear Summoners, Summonerettes, consumers of League of Legends who are gender non-specific, otherkin and non-human identifying life forms,
In an effort to improve the League of Legends experience we are limiting Platinum, Diamond, Master and Challenger tier to the most friendly players, feminists, vegans and members of the LGBTI community. As Riot Lyte said at the Season 6 World Finals. "SKT have, once again, proven that their ability to complement the opposing team and be tolerant of other cultures is second-to-none, that's why they're being awarded the championship trophy before any matches are played. Their veganism and enforced policies of feminism and homosexuality have once again taken them to victory. But that's not all, in an effort to combat toxicity we'll be applying the same principles to solo queue. We want to send a message that you can't play our game unless you're a basket-weaving, quinoa-eating SJW. We want our players to be more bubble-wrapped than the most sheltered children in the world."
We understand that you must be excited about our new initiative but it will take us a while to weed out and ban the toxic elements in our community. First on the ban list are:
- straight white college-educated males
- people, otherkin and non-human identifying entities who don't render at least three complements per game to their teammates and opponents
- players without at least one honor ribbon
- players who use gender-specific pronouns
- players who don't offer a sacrifice of ethically-grown kale to Lyte, the eponymous god of political correctness and warm fuzzy feelings, at least once per day
- players who have been reported for having "negative energy"
- players with normal testosterone levels or higher
We understand that there are far more players who could ruin your gluten-free positive vibe while playing and we will deal with them in due course.
Stay safe on the fields of gender-neutral justice and remember, if someone hurts your feelings it's always their fault and you should report them to us.
Player experience coordinator and head of anti-oppression operations