With all these new changes, I hate myself for being so toxic.

I am going to rant and self-loathe just a little bit. You may disagree or agree with what I say, that’s up to you. I just like getting things off my chest. My biggest flaw is that I speak my mind, no matter how harsh the words may come out. I list this as a flaw because it is. I know I have a troll status or a ‘Sackboy thread, downvote and move on’ type of deal, but please hear me out. It isn’t often I actually speak my mind without coming off as sincere. I stumbled upon League of Legends back in 2009 when the game was still in beta. I fell in love with the game, the characters, the lore, and the graphics. The players were toxic back then, but it was mainly seen as banter or just jokes. You wouldn’t be reported for saying ‘GGEZ’ back then, either. It was a great time because no one was really offended. People swore, they ranted, and they felt like nothing was their fault, but it was nowhere near as bad as it is today. I have sat and watched this game grow. I saw it evolve from hand-drawn, pizza feet characters to stunning characters that look out of this world. I have seen characters that were said to be ‘impossible’ released. Mechanics that no one ever dreamed of appearing in new characters. I have seen lore butchered, added, and then butchered again. I have seen a small company thrive and become a large company that is still successful today. In some sense, I am proud I got to see it all, but in others, I am not. The account that saw it all is banned. Any account I have made has barely lasted over a season. Heck, I have a few that are permanently banned at level 14. It took me ages, but this disgusts me. I have no idea how I have nearly 100 total permanently banned accounts. I don’t know why I always go back on my word and start belittling people when they mess up. I think that it’s a coping mechanism, but I have no idea. I have the mindset of that I don’t mind if I lose as long as that loss could have been prevented. If I had one wish, it would be for my main account to be unbanned. I think, in the end, having an account I actually care for – I mean that – I would be the most friendly player in the world. But I don’t trust Riot. Years ago, I was given a challenge by a Rioter to make a new account and make it to level 30 without getting banned. If I did this, my main would be unbanned. I did what was asked, it took a month, but I did it. The person who issued the challenge left Riot and the next Rioter denied my account being unbanned because ‘that’s not done’. And I think that was the point where I snapped. I stopped looking at Riot as if they were a decent company. I quit looking at the players with proudness. It made me bitter and I take out my anger… my hatred on everyone else to spite Riot. I dislike being lied to. I hate people that make promises and then break them. Riot has no idea how much that ruined me mentally. I stopped enjoying the game and began enjoying ruining the game for other people. Somehow, in my mind, it all made sense. I didn’t look at my actions and be like, “Whoa, dude, that’s not going to help.” I just saw red and wanted Riot to suffer for lying to me. For breaking a promise. For raising my hopes and then crushing them. I know nothing will come from this. I know Riot won’t contact me and be like, “Hey, we’ll make good on that deal now!” I know that. But, I don’t think I’m going to change unless something is done. I love this game. I enjoy playing the game, even when I lose, but I cannot enjoy it if I constantly seek to undermine Riot, and that is never going to stop because that’s how I am mentally. If you wrong me, I will continually wrong you until I feel the price is paid. Breaking a promise when I was the most vulnerable has an infinite cost, Riot. I went from a starry-eyed boy that wanted to work for your company to a bitter person that wanted it to burn. None of this excuses my behaviour, I know that.
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