Buttercup (OCE)
: It definitely sounds like Vel'Koz is talking; very 'academic' and unempathetic. The story does seem a little... unfinished. As far I can see, Vel'Koz hasn't actually done anything besides, well, reading and watching the precursor to a confrontation between himself and Kassadin, which means that the story doesn't really stand alone. You've got another 650 words, use them! I wanna know more! It'd be nice, for example, to read about how Kassadin kills Void-spawn, and why he's so revered, instead of having a Void council simply mention him, forcing the reader to take their word for it. Definitely caught my interest, but it needs a bit more _story_ to really bring it home.
I'll get back to working on it asap, thanks so much for the feedback!
Rioter Comments
: You completely nailed Shen man, well done.
: The flashback upon being gutted, the meeting place at a grave, this piece just oozes of old-time ninja and martial arts movie cliche impressions (in a very good way). Will admit i occasionally had a little bit of trouble telling exactly who was speaking and whose thoughts were being said in some places, and also a few things ended up lost in the quest for ambiguity ("though he knew not where it led, in a sense he did"? What sense? Might've been nice to do something a little more expositional to also make some ties to the past. Perhaps something like "though he knew not where it led, the roots overgrowing the old path sparked small memories of a clearer path. A time past, clouded by the shadows of his past.") Overall though, you've made a very engaging piece! The dynamic of the opposing views of balance and shadow are managed wonderfully, and the implied mutual deaths (assuming shen's wounds prove ultimately fatal - dude got stabbed through the chest!) provide a poignant and fitting end to the brothers' feud.
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'll take your suggestions on board in future :D
: I really like this story, really emphasises Shen and Zed's rivalry, and has good elements of their lore and descriptive language. Very well done. #TeamShen {{champion:98}}
Thanks so much man. Means a lot to me.
Rioter Comments
: > [{quoted}](name=PepprMinty,realm=OCE,application-id=wJE2nAgV,discussion-id=TQsEsHat,comment-id=0022,timestamp=2016-07-02T02:37:31.371+0000) > > So I was brainstorming ideas for a story, when I realised I could write a story about a fight between Zed and Shen or something like that. Looking back over the requirements, I realised that this idea doesn't really fit the prompt "The average day in Runeterra." I just wanted to ask if it indeed does fit the prompt, as the example submission above (Piltover's Finest Day) details Caitlyn killing Jinx, two characters as intertwined in their lore as Zed and Shen. The rubric states that you can "[c]ompliment or dismantle the given prompt in whichever way you fancy." In your case, you could make a sarcastic interpretation of the prompt - the "_average_" day in Runeterra. My submission is also about Zed and Shen, so if a story about the two fighting isn't allowed, I'm also screwed.
Thanks for your help man. Good luck with your story!
: FanFiction Contest Announcement
So I was brainstorming ideas for a story, when I realised I could write a story about a fight between Zed and Shen or something like that. Looking back over the requirements, I realised that this idea doesn't really fit the prompt "The average day in Runeterra." I just wanted to ask if it indeed does fit the prompt, as the example submission above (Piltover's Finest Day) details Caitlyn killing Jinx, two characters as intertwined in their lore as Zed and Shen.

PepprMinty

Level 109 (OCE)
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