: Reading your story, I feel it has a real nice plot. Links quite well and I enjoyed reading it. Some minor points to fix: _"A fresh meal?" The heavy voice growls "No Wolf." A softer more feminine voice replies "This one is quite young and has much to grow" "But it looks so tasty." Says Wolf grudgingly After hearing the two voices the boy uncovered his eyes and sees a wolf floating in the air and an almost human looking figure more closely looking to a lamb standing on two legs. "_ In this paragraph, I can see a lot of "telling not showing", which is a common quote experienced writers and authors often tell younger more inexperienced (I apologise, I have no information on your background, maybe you were just tired I'm not sure, this is just my point of view.) Such as "The boy uncovered his eyes" you could rephrase that to instead of telling the audience he uncovers his eyes, but kinda describe his actions. Overall, great work! I really enjoyed this!
thanks for the feedback, I'm glad it was enjoyable. this was actually the first time I posted a story so I haven't had feedback before. if I was to describe that part saying: " A fresh meal" says a voice with a heavy growl as it slowly creeps towards the child "no Wolf." A feminine voice replies stoping Wolf's advance "This one is quite young and has much to grow" "But it looks so tasty." Says Wolf grudgingly as if wanting to ignore the other's words and continue forward would that help create more showing? the last part I think would stay the same except for the "The boy uncovered his eyes" part, but my intention with that part was to make it seem as if the reader was looking through the child's eyes. So I wanted to make it as if it only described what the child could hear.
Rioter Comments


Level 137 (OCE)
Lifetime Upvotes
Create a Discussion