: > [{quoted}](name=Unicornsaurus,realm=OCE,application-id=wJE2nAgV,discussion-id=ORmqvHsO,comment-id=0013,timestamp=2016-07-28T08:14:24.761+0000) > > I believe that [Drinking buddies](http://boards.oce.leagueoflegends.com/en/c/contest-fan-fiction/OBlNZkqe-drinking-buddies) should have been one of the choices in the shortlist for some reasons. Firstly the story does have the most votes and should be taken into account. Secondly the author uses a lot of descriptive language and the story fits the two characters well. Thirdly the use of different lore's is a nice touch for example in both Jax {{champion:24}} and Gragas' {{champion:79}} lore it say how they are both drinking buddies and someone noticed in the comments that the name used in the story 'Boram Darkwill' was a name from Sion's {{champion:14}} lore which is a nice little easter egg. > > > > Finally I thought the story was great. {{sticker:slayer-pantheon-thumbs}} If you don't mind me saying so (I certainly don't mean to be rude, and I'm aware that I kind of got 'boosted' myself): While I would say that it's a decent entry, it's _hardly_ winning material. The whole upvote-downvote score is an incredibly puerile thing - my own story hit about 5 or 6 at it's peak, before pretty much everyone (but his, huh?) were all leveled to 1 or 0 within the last week of judging. A lot of very good entries (many of them on the list - good to see) were stifled because of this, and it certainly 'soured' the competition a bit. I can sympathise when people use the downvote to reduce something that clearly shouldn't 'deserve' attention, but... I'm an avid reader myself, so here me out when I say 'descriptive language' is really the tip of the iceberg when it comes to a _great_ piece of writing. Control, Pacing, Character development, Metaphors, Insights ... there was plenty more room for the writer to _dig deeper_. In fact, the writer leans very heavily on 'stereotypes' with Jax, Boram and the Noxian Soldiers that were in my opinion poorly applied. _Boram Darkwill_ is both an established character (an century-old necromancer who heavily influenced Noxian History) and a long dead one - absolutely nothing like the writer's 'Boram'. It is one thing to cross-reference existing lore elements from several areas and make connexions, as was part of the rubic; another thing entirely to merely 'force-copy-paste' a name or place without doing the research beforehand. It's a decent entry that is quite enjoyable to read, but there were some glaring flaws and inconsistencies within it that the judge took into account when deciding on the shortlist.
I wasn't _'boosted'_ at least not to my knowledge and I also used the name "Boram Darkwill" because I hit some writers block on a name and I'm a big fan of Sion and I liked the name, his character in my story has nothing to do with the actual necromancer in Sion's lore it is just a name. But your post gives some very valuable feed back and I deeply respect and appreciate it. P.s. thank you Unicorsaurus for the kind words.
: You really nailed Gragas! Both his brash mannerisms and fighting style where just throws his weight around really pay homage to the 'big man' that he is in game. However, I don't really agree with how you portrayed Jax - while the 'no-nonsense, stolid badass' stereotype foils well with Graggy, I personally think that it's not really _Jax_ - that almost better befits Talon, Lucian or Yasuo. In my mind, Jax is this cocky, brutish d*ck who is constantly taunting and bantering with people, knowing he can back it up, and would probably be shouting just as loud as his Gragas: Check out Terkoiz's [Summoner Showdown 6](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMcuT-xwTxg), and you'll know _exactly_ what I mean. ^_^ Also not entirely sold on the Noxians: I believe _Boram Darkwill_ has been established as this age-old necromancer of refinement (Referring to Sion lore and the wiki) - while he would definitely have an air of entitlement and self-importance, he's certainly not like the bloke you've got here. Eh, an honest mistake - must be one of his understudies haha. Ehm, and at least in my mind Noxians are a well-ordered, well trained and well-disciplined bunch - the 'smelly, unkempt, clumsy' stereotype seems a bit missed on them - though if you were to replace the Noxians with rotten seamen of Bilgewater, you'd be right on the money! Eh, those are just nitpicks which would be easily fixed! It would have been nice if the Noxians put up more of a fight, but still an entertaining read!
I don't really know what to take from that comment as it kinda confuses me but the name "Boram Darkwill" was from someones law and I thought it would fit the character as I couldn't think of a name. Secondly I saw only saw Jax as someone who would be cocky when he needed to not all the time kinda like a bronze 5 Yasuo main would.
Gr1fter (OCE)
: Should have been 1 v 5. You know, like a real Jax does it.
but Gragas wanted to crack a few skulls aswell haha
Talon12 (OCE)
: > [{quoted}](name=moovlice,realm=OCE,application-id=wJE2nAgV,discussion-id=OBlNZkqe,comment-id=00030000,timestamp=2016-07-03T23:47:06.746+0000) > > I read the comment wrong twice in a row and I'm still confused lol and thats the way it should be
Talon12 (OCE)
: >“Sure why not! You, maiden” yelled Jax at a beer maid passing by. “Grab me and my friend here two more mugs of ale.” >“Right away sir.” said the maid cheerfully. I read that wrong twice in a row XD read it as; >“Sure why not! You, **maiden**” yelled Jax at a beer **maid** passing by. “Grab me and my friend here two more mugs of ale.” >“Right away sir.” said the **man** cheerfully. was left confused at first, my bad
I read the comment wrong twice in a row and I'm still confused lol
: Really engaging as a fellow gragas player! One of the best!
Appreciate it :D
: see, as a jax main, I fucking love this
thanks man.
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